Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Enough is enough...or at least it should be right?

I have to say, I don't think I would have been able to write this post if it wasnt for PYHO; seeing everyone be honest and open about their lives did give me that much strength to write this. For that I am grateful.
I have a reoccurring issue, which seeks joy in rearing its ugliness for the sake of nothing else, but to invite me to be miserable. The more space I put between us, the hungrier the issue becomes, thirsting for my happiness. I've tried it all: hiding, blocking, de-friending potential friendships and possibilities, but nothing seems to work. I've even stopped accepting new friendships because I find myself weary and distrustful. Up until recently, it would seem that this blood thirsty, starved entity overcame my world. But why should it?
Enough time has passed and acts have been committed that I no longer question it's reasoning and rationale.
I cant seem to find any. Except to engulf me in its claws and suffocate what is golden and important in my life. I doubt it even knows anything of importance about me, like how I cry over commercials, or become frustrated at not being able to make everyone happy. But it will continue to cower in the realms of cyberspace  hunting me like prey; eager for the win, desperate for my demise. This blog was a way of me being honest about where I am in life, of expressing the truth about myself. And this too has become a weapon for them to utilize in the war taking place in their head.  
But this year is my year.  And this year I am NOT going to hide, or de-friend, or block...I am going to be myself, I am going to enjoy the treasures in my life; I will not comfort misery and eventually it will wither and its hooks will dissipate...
                                               

8 comments:

  1. Amen! Be yourself and write what you want and how you want, it's far more interesting!

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  2. Thank You Jackie! Sometimes when you're dragged into the trenches, you forget the reason you're there...When I started spending more time defending my happiness then actually basking in it, I realized just how valuable it really was...Weird how life plays those gruesome games on us!

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  3. Good for you! I realized a few years ago that the people who are truly worthy of my love accept me for who I am on my good, bad and in between days. I also realized that I don't care what the other people think anymore. I think it comes with age and with surrounding yourself with really good people...even on the computer.

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  5. I love it when women find their true authentic selves and then let the world deal with it!

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  6. I love that you have reached this point! Bravo!

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  7. Amen! I'm working on the same thing...just being myself and trying not to worry what people think. I also love that quote at the end.

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