Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Dog Days are Over...communicating with my teen

He came into the room, and sat down on the bed. I prepared myself to be asked permission for something I probably already said no to. Instead I learned more about the stranger in front of me than I had in his almost 17 years of existence. He came forward not only to me, but to himself as well. He had recently come into the truth, about himself and his own decisions; more importantly, he was opening up about some pretty deep stuff. 2 hours would pass before any of us could truly understand what had just taken place. He was making solid conscientious statements, and raising some amazing points of view. But ultimately, he was learning to love himself. Walls he had created for himself began to crumble and suddenly he was reachable; it took our connection to a higher level. Not only did I have him back, but I had him back stronger than ever and this was the beginning of a pretty amazing journey together. I honestly thought I saw the sun rising behind him...
The world from the eyes of someone who didn't have their ideal upbringing can be pretty twisted. It can create deficiencies where there are none. It can create war where enemies shouldn't exist. When I decided to write about this, I had to decide on an angle that did not betray him and his feelings. I had to keep some things private, and yet expressed as clearly as possible so that some one can learn from it.
I was a teen mom; we both made decisions we shouldn't have. The result was someone else's pain. In the days this all happened, I thought I was doing the right thing allowing young people to see "the truth" for what it was. How many times do we see that happen? "Oh I'll tell baby...the truth about why daddy doesn't see her. Let her decide for herself if she wants to be around the new girlfriend".  'I'm not going to force my child to be around a stepfather! Let him see what a &*%^ her mother is!" These are actually decisions WE make, not the situation, not the other person. We were entrusted with protecting the most important items in our world. And yet, in retrospect is that what we are doing? Or are we protecting ourselves from being hurt? From being compared? From having to share what was never meant to be shared, our families? We need to be remembered that what we do now, only affects us later. Maybe this is a post only a single parent can understand? I hope not, I hope everyone can take a little from it; for we are in a time when our children are scared to be different and afraid to be themselves.      

He didn't only only share himself with me. He inspired me, to think continue thinking differently, to be happy with our circumstances. Just because life isn't what we expected, should we lose sight of how good it still is? 


  1. Thank you. I really enjoyed reading your single parent of a teenager point of view. I work with adolescents and know how complicated and closed up they can be. Reading how your son opened up to you gave me hope, for you and your son, but also for others who wait for their children to share themselves and be understood.. A risk for so many. It sounds like the decisions you made were done with the best intentions and those intentions are being rewarded with a new respect and appreciation for each other. Excellent.

  2. I'm scared to even think about the teen years!

  3. What a beautiful insight to your life hun. Well done and thank you sooo much for sharing, and taking the leap into the blogging world. I am very proud of you :) xxx

  4. I don't think I am ready to be a teen parent.

  5. What a powerful night it must have been. Such a breakthrough in your life and your relationship with your son. Young, single, or otherwise, you're a wonderful mother to raise a son who will come to you in confidence.

  6. I just found your blog and can I just say, Thank You!! I am a mother of 4= 1(special needs) daughter almost 23; 1 son just turned 19; 1 son almost 15 & 1 daughter almost 13. I am currently married, but not to their dad (and feel sooo much like a single mom). I fought with everything I had to keep my mouth shut about their dad, hoping one day they would be able to see him for who he really is all on their own. Over the last couple of years they have started learning these things. Oldest boy, talks to me about somethings, sometimes, the others don't. Cannot wait til we (hopefully) get to the point that they will talk to me about more things and know they can talk to me about anything and everything.
    Thank you again for sharing and helping me keep the faith that one day they will talk.